so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
