his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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