they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
