and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Bring me that man meat
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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