ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
