she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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