I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
