So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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