Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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