dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
