So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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