Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
