i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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