So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
