I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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