It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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