I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
time to smoke my breakfast
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
