She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
