Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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