Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
