You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
