I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
