we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
