I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize