you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
it's like heaven, but drunker
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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