C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
