I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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