Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
