shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
