they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
