He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
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Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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