I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
