They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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