you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
