She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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