WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It was confusing and full of hummus
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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