Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It's just like the Real World with babies
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
