So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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