saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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