dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
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You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
And then he peed in my hair
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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