just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
