I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
