i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
