i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
