Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
