he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
