She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
