Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
