I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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