Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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