I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
