He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
