I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
