And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
