Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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