Do you still have your period?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize