Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
