I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize