I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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