I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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