some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
