I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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