Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
