My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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