Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
