I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize